Deafening Isolation
by LeeT911
Summary: Walking the halls of high school, Ephram dwells on life, love and music. Takes place just before Laynie leaves for boarding school again.


Deafening Isolation

_Everwood__ fanfiction by LeeT911  (LeeT911@hotmail.com)_

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The music pounds desperately in my ears, drumbeats echoing amongst virile guitar riffs.  A tormented voice wails out moving lyrics about girls, about breaking-up, about parents, about conformity.  Story of my life.  

I walk through the high school, brushing by other adolescents, spotting random faces that cling to my mind.  There is no reason for it.  A pretty face leaps to draw my attention, blonde curls and glinting eyes temporarily drowning out the music.  I recognize the girl.  I know that her name should come to mind, but I refuse to let it take control of my thoughts.  Her little circle of friends steal glances at me as I pass, already hoping for some new gossip to chew on.  I am afraid they will not accept me.  No.  There is no fear.  I couldn't care less.  I hide behind the music.  A wall of sound isolates me from the rest of these small-town kids. 

Earphones: discrete black wires topped with silvery plugs.  They fit neatly into my ears.  The music makes me seem less needy.  As though I don't need friends.  The music is not loud enough for them to hear, it doesn't have to be.  I don't want them to hear, only to see.  Those blessed with sight so often ignore their ears.  They have done nothing to deserve the sharing of this beautiful art.  Those who play their music loud, blasting it from their souped-up car stereos, are only looking for attention.  This is my music, for my ears alone.  It is playing to my rhythm.  It colors my world in a brilliant shade of resentment.

They look at me, these teenagers who ostensibly claim to be "around my age".  In this little town of theirs, I doubt they have lived at all.  They gawk at me, at my clothes, at my hair, at the self-important way I stride through the corridors, as though I have not a care in the world.  Part of me wants to yell.  Part of me wants to scream out "I don't care!" at the top of my lungs, just to see their ugly reaction.  It is not their acceptance that I crave.  What I want has absolutely nothing to do with these people who somehow believe the world revolves around them.

Colin comes around the corner, slapping me on the shoulder as he passes.  I nod in his direction, the music having covered whatever it was he said.  I have no need to hear it.  Most likely it will be more inane drivel about who did what to whom.  Bright says something else, throws his head back in laughter as he walks away with Colin.  I am pleased I did not have to hear them.  My locker is just ahead.  The day is almost at an end.

She makes an entrance like no other girl.  Colin's sister.  Now the fear takes its hold.  She has no illusions about her presence.  Without calling attention to herself, she slinks out of a classroom, moving quickly, yet seemingly without purpose.  Just another girl?  I never thought of her that way.  Our paths cross.  So close.  She sees me, notes the fact that I'm wearing my earphones.  I am thankful for it.  The music is an excuse.

Our eyes meet, and I look over her shoulder to the people beyond, trying to make my stare less obvious.  She snaps her eyes away quickly, not wanting to look at me.  I try to say something, knowing that nothing will come to mind other than "I'm sorry".  She steps past me, turning her body to avoid brushing me.  I mouth the greeting "hi" but no sound ensues.  She takes no notice.  The music continues playing for me.

When I make it to my locker, I risk looking back in her direction.  I see her receding down the hall, walking away as though nothing was wrong.  I see through her lies.  I know she sees through mine.  For the first time since our acquaintance, we did not talk.  Somehow I know I will never talk to her again.  It doesn't matter.  Words are empty.

I still have my music.  I still have all the songs about lost love and the inequalities of life.  The music touches me.  It has always touched me.

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END


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